I don’t talk about my illness so that you will feel sorry for me. I talk about it so you will know what I’m going through, why I am the way I am. I don’t want your pity. I want your understanding.
And sometimes, I talk about it because I had a bad day and just like you, talking about the bad thing makes me feel better. It just so happens I have a lot of bad days and my illness is usually at the core of it."
Reasons why I’m nervous about this week
1) Because new things
2) Because I did not do a fantastic job at keeping up to date with my Spanish work so I’m going to embarrass myself dusting off the rust
3) Because these are my last classes & there is no backing out now
4) Because I magnify fear into imagined situations where the worst timeline occurs
Reasons why I need to get through this week
1) Because I get to watch baseball and hang out with Shannon on Friday!!
2) Because I need to go to Caribou one last weekend before they’re all gone :(
3) Because I need to create and send out the fabulous gift arrangements I have lined up for special people :)
4) Because then I can have another week of physical therapy done while I’m at it too (and omg my foot FINALLY is looking so much better now god)
5) Because then I only have 16 weeks left here before I earn paper (lmao)
6) Because there’s our Florida trip at the end of the semester, and it might actually come to fruition (!!!)
7) Because, even if I don’t know what’s exactly happening this time next year, I’ll at the very least be away from this area most of my days GOD BLESS
8) Because this summer ending means that next summer is ever-so-closer and Thelma-and-Louise becomes Macy-and-Ari tbh
9) Because…uh, ending on nine reasons does not look as clean as ending on ten reasons
10) Because I know once I get the hang of things, I’ll probably be okay. Maybe. Maybe.
You’re sick, they say. You don’t have to do this,
you don’t have to cope.
Sick is stepping silently out of the circle of trying to the point of exhaustion
Sick is cutting it all off through fear: grades and careers and even dreams you once grasped tightly
Because you’re scared you won’t reach them
And the only way that can be done without guilt
Is to escape into ‘sick’ and be physically unable,
But it all comes at a price:
and the worst thing is,
It is one people time and time again are willing to pay."